That's intense
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
