so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
