fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
