Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
