I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
