I think I died a long time ago.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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