Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
