I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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