i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
