fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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