**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
