we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
