saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
