She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's never too late to be topless.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
