how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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