idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
