I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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