Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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