From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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