I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
