so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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