he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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