We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
