did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
