She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize