I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
