I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
