I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
