this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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