I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I want a musical about memes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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