he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
