I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
