remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I smell like Dick and happiness
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