Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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