He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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