Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
