I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
