that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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