I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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