I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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