found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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