Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
