Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
