guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
