Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
