barbara walters just said penis...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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