It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
