I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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