nut hugger
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
