We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
