Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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