what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
