I'm drive I can fine osifer
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
