Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
