It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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