still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
