My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
